Amy, a long-time Weaving Influence team member, lost her mother, Carolyn, last week.
In the week or so before her mother’s death, she took off some time to plan music and gather photos for her mother’s memorial service.
She said, wisely, “I don’t get a do-over on this.”
As I sat in the back row at her mother’s service, witness to and observer of the friends and family who gathered to remember and reminisce, I remembered Amy’s words and felt grateful that she did what mattered most at exactly the right time.
We don’t get do-overs in this life.
We can do what matters most, in the moments we have, or those moments are gone.
What’s needed is to have clarity about what really matters and to be decisive to take action, moment by moment, to pursue what’s most meaningful and important to us.
Though I didn’t know Amy’s mother, the stories her friends and family shared brought her to life for me. In each story, the themes of what mattered in her life resonated loudly.
Here’s what I heard:
Family matters. After many miscarriages and a deep desire to have a child, Carolyn became pregnant and gave birth to Amy at age 40. Her nieces and nephews, whom Carolyn invested in over the years as if they were her own children, recounted her joy and anticipation of Amy’s birth and her dedication to her daughter. Carolyn cherished Amy because family, especially those closest to us, matter.
Friends matter. Carolyn’s friends described her house as a home where they were always welcome and where laughter, fun, and homemade pie always topped the menu.
Faith matters. Amy narrowed from 49 of her mother’s favorite hymns to 5 for the service. Friends remembered Bible studies and Carolyn’s love of a cappella songs at church.
Pets matter. Amy’s mom loved boxer dogs, especially her dog Kip. Our furry friends are a big part of our lives and happiness.
Hard work matters. Friends recounted the two jobs Carolyn worked to provide for Amy, particularly after her husband’s death. Work is an important and meaningful part of our lives and the reason we work, as much as the actual work that we do, brings meaning to the sacrifices work sometimes requires.
What was missing from the conversation at Carolyn’s memorial: no one mentioned the cars she drove, how much money she made, what clothes she wore, or places she traveled. No one mentioned a list of possessions or even awards/accomplishments.
Instead, everyone focused on what really matters, the things that loss brings into focus for us.
For today, I am reminding myself, I don’t get a do-over. Moment by moment, I want to choose what matters. Thanks, Amy. Thanks, Carolyn.