Twitter Needs An Intervention

Twitter Needs An Intervention

Another post from my husband. Around Weaving Influence, we call him Mr. Becky.

I think you’re going to like it.I don’t usually post on Mondays, but today marks 3 months since I started this blog, so I thought it would be fun to throw in an extra post.

Hey Twitter, grow up already.

I don’t tweet, won’t tweet, and am not even tweet-curious.  My understanding of Twitter comes from the propaganda fed to me by my well-intentioned wife and the whatever I hear on the radio or see on TV.

By my estimation, Twitter’s greatest consumers are 14 year old followers of Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber.  The adult followers include fans/jersey-burning detractors of Lebron James and whatever knuckleheads need to know Charlie Sheen’s narcotic of choice.  (The answer: Charlie Sheen is on Charlie Sheen.   Side effects include face-melting and occasional body explosions.)

The remaining minority are people trying to network with like-minded people.  Saying this, however, is like needing to include all the red-headed Presbyterians when describing the demographics of India.

Oh, and spammers trying to sell cheap Canadian Viagra.  I forgot them.  They are also fundamental to Twitter, as I understand it.

Rather than evolve into a respectable, useful tool, Twitter’s decline has left it an instrument of inanity.

I get the theory behind this medium: you want to communicate in real time.  Or, say for instance that you really like a Starbuck’s mocha.  Who has the time to text all 18,440 friends individually?  Twitter allows for this.  Admittedly, it is the best to mechanism for finding out what is happening rightnow.

Unfortunately, what is happening is Donnie Wahlberg telling the world about an NKOTB tour stop at the Hoake County Fairgrounds.  Speaking for the world, we can live without this.

When Becky tells me about her Twitter friends or the business connections she makes, I can’t help but imagine them as some post-apocalyptic group of resistance fighters hopelessly restraining the advance of vapid stormtroopers in their 140 character Deathstar of Absurdity.  Those who utilize this invention for honorable purposes are, it appears, a dwindling remnant.  I anticipate that by mid-June, @BBCClick will feature little more than “OMG, Snooki totally fell for the Situation’s practical joke.  ROTFLMAO.”

Twitter is a flood of nonsense that is bailed by the Dixie cups of a sensible few.  Of the 65 million daily tweets, I approximate the number of thought-provoking dispatches to be in the dozens.  That’s rounding up, too.

Twitter needs an intervention.

Maybe someone to remind Twitter of what it was expected to become.  Remember all your potential, Twitter?  Look around you, all covered in tiger’s blood and surrounded by “little monsters.”  You are treasonous to the movement.

As Twitter continues its degeneration I fear a day when Becky will eventually tell people she people she is a drug mule, rather than admit to using a mechanism championed by the likes of Chad Ochocinco and Khloe Kardashian.  A girl has to maintain respectability somehow.

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What People Are Saying

  • Maybe you just follow the wrong people.

    • Indeed, I have followed the wrong people for most of my life. I don’t do Twitter, however.

  • i hear the same thing from many people about twitter. i’m a 40 year old content news media junkie and can’t get enough of “the twitter”!! there is a lot of information good or bad available and Twitter lists help with the filtering… I use lists and follow lists to get the lastest news, sports, apps, IT info, celebrity updates, etc… many people always ask me where i heard this, that, and whatever and i say “the twitter” 🙂 to each it’s own… your husband comments are funny! i’m sure there is something that interests him via twitter.

  • Hi, Mr. Becky

    COngratulations on a rant that, while not as sophisticated as Becky’s smashing of Charlie Sheen, certainly conveys passion and a certain amount of clear thinking.

    You know, you could probably beat Charlie’s Follow record if you’d just give in to the Dark Side:)

    John (AKA @stratlearner)

    • “Not as sophisticated” as Becky? I am a level 17 warlock of sophistication, I will have you know.

      • Oh, then you already are on the Dark Side. My apologies, Oh Lord of the Mystical Arts . . . as I crawl slowly and respectfully away.

        You know, I’ll probably have to tweet something about this.

  • We have no one to blame for Twitter but ourselves. “We have met the enemy…” or something like that.

    However, like the boy throwing back the starfish, although he didn’t save all the starfish, he saved “that one”, I got the opportunity to meet your wife through Twitter. Nothing else. And I’ve met hundreds of people who share a common interest to raise the percentage of people who are more interested in becoming a leader instead of following Charlie Sheen. So even if there are 64,999,999 tweets each day that are wasted, there’s always a chance to make a positive difference.

    • As previously stated, I don’t do Twitter…so I can actually blame everyone else and STILL sit comfortably in my glass house. The neighbors complain if I walk around pantless, but this is a separate topic.

      Also, I believe your math is correct. My estimation of all but a dozen worthless tweets is probably too low. I may stick with your estimate of 64,999,999. Thank you for your considerable research.

  • Finally – someone else who thinks Twitter is a childish play toy and a waste of bandwith.

    I agree completely and Mr. Angie tends towards Becky’s opinions. As they say, opposites attract. Those twitter junkies need us to keep them in the real world – at least some of the time.

  • Mr. Becky,

    This was so hilarious! I thoroughly enjoyed the sarcasm. Twitter definitely has issues mainly because of the people using it have issues. But as for you and the many that refuse to get into it, I totally understand. It’s not for everybody. Although, I have found it to be a valuable resource (probably because I don’t follow reality stars, those who think they are and anyone else that can’t add value to what I have going on).

    Post more often brother. It is a good change of pace!


    • I am unaware of this “sarcasm” of which you speak.

      I was shooting for “sanctimony.”

  • Dear Mr. Becky… LOL! If you had asked me just a year and a half ago I would have agreed wholeheartedly with you. Except for the fact that since then I have met wonderful people like Becky that I can actually talk to, collaborate with, bounce ideas off of. I wrote a book with 4 ladies from Twitter and promoted my other book almost exclusively on the platform. I am a convert! So, yes, though celebrities do other stuff with it…in my part of the Twitter world, exciting things happen. Connection and depth and work and collaboration. Twitter’s just a tool. It’s what you use it for that matters.

    • I met Becky without needing Twitter as a crutch. We got together through what could be called the 90’s version of Twitter: prison pen-pals.

      We are in agreement that it’s what you use Twitter for that matters. I use it as a source of derision and mocking, typically feeling better about myself by putting down others. I am shallow, but honest.

      • Lucky you! 😉

      • ..and YES, it’s a GREAT source of derision and mocking, too! (obviously)

  • Loved the post, but everyone’s Twitter is different and therefore its hard to generalize anything about the platform. Twitter is the place I go to get my news, share ideas, and connect with people.

    If you want to talk about mind-numbing pop culture trash (Snooki, Kardashian) then you should be blaming traditional media. Want to talk about an intervention? Turn on CNN, FOX, MSNBC. I’d rather hear from and connect with real people on Twitter than hear about a kitten stuck in a bathtub or this months missing child.

    Twitter is a sign of hope for a culture that is destroying itself faster than Charlie Sheen. Don’t you like this dialogue you are starting? Isn’t it refreshing to connect with people?

    Somedays I do hate Twitter, but other days it leads me to new ideas, connections and hope for humanity. But I guess you’d suggest people spend more time watching cable? Sports? Jerry Springer? Jim Cramer?

    • I disagree with you Brandon. Actually, I found it very easy to generalize everything about Twitter.
      Twitter is full of nitwits. See, I did it again.

      If Twitter is hope for our culture, then paint me hopeless. I will otherwise take your suggestion and search for a cable-based sports show that features a Springer-Cramer cagematch.

  • Ahh, Mr Becky, I think I’m in love (in a distant and ephemeral way)with your views (not just today’s and I already told Becky!)

    A few people make a few contacts, but beyond that it is the biggest time-waster since Facebook. (Then they call me whining that they don’t have time

    Thank you for stating my own views in such elegant, intelligent and sarcastic prose. Terrific, just terrific.

  • You and the top producers on my sales team…. All agreed.

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